how would you feel knowing or thinking you did your best, you give your all but it still isn't good enough? that's how i felt today. after the depressing prelims review. i don't think i can take anymore stress. i'm like a little teeny weeny cup that's overflowing with water that is stress. i used to tell myself that stress is good, that it keeps me motivated, driven and focused. but a girl can only take that much stress. sometimes, no most times these days, i feel like giving up. simply giving up everything. just quit alevels. quit school altogether. so much pressure from family and school is driving me nuts. they have all these high expectations of me but i'm so scared. so afraid that i'll disappoint them. but why do i feel that no matter how hard i try, it's not good enough anymore? will mugging till i feel like dying for these six weeks be worth it? should i even bother trying?

just kill me now. please.

i can't breathe. i can't breathe no more.

so since the end of my last paper yesterday, i have been slacking. and i suppose this will continue till lessons resume next week ): pooh pooh! i don't want to return to school ):

but anyways, i'm still in the midst of my hari raya celebrations :D the first two days were enjoyable of course. i love family reunions (and being able to get green packets!), being able to see my relatives both close and distant. and gosh i have two new nephews who are both a little over a month old. so CUTE! and i got to see three of my cutest nieces. they were so hyperactive, laughing non-stop for no particular reason when they came over to my house. and the youngest one, who is only four months old, weighs like 10kg already! that's damn heavy ok. i carried her but didn't dare to stand up lest i wasn't strong enough haha. but she is soooooo cute :D and i think i ate too much. i think i regained the weight i lost over the fasting month ): how come whenever i keep trying to lose weight, it keeps finding me? ):

of course, in the midst of the celebrations, nothing is perfect. and some things happened which makes this year's celebrations different, not exactly in a good way. i don't wish to talk about it but it really hurts me to think about it. life is fragile - too fragile.

in other news, while busy mugging for prelims, so many unfortunate things happened in the kpop scene, especially among the guy groups. it's like there's a battle as to who can stir up the most controversy. first there's the very sudden and surprising withdrawal of Jaebeom, 2PM's leader, from the group. i was damn shocked and outraged at those who pressured him so much but i've come to respect his decision. then there's the ongoing controversy about DBSK and SME which is still not resolved. and Super Junior's Kangin getting involved in an assault case and found guilty (though he was charged with acting out of self defense). there's also SS501's Hyun Joong being diagnosed with H1N1, the first Korean celebrity at that (though he's recovered and back in Korea now). and of course, the plagiarism accusation of Big Bang's G-Dragon's solo songs "Heartbreaker" and "Butterfly". and him being seen smoking in public. i actually have a lot to say about the controversies surrounding GD but i'm too lazy to do so. heh call me biased, but i'll always support Ji Yong Oppa no matter what :D

ooh but can't wait for Tae Yang's solo album to come out, somewhere in mid-Oct. 2NE1's full length album too! Tae Yang, G-Dragon and 2Ne1's promotions are bound to clash and that's awesome YG Family overload! :D can't wait! :DD

ok i thought i had alot to blog about but everything just slipped my mind. haha. but i promise to update as frequently as possible! in the meantime, enjoy this music video. the song is titled "30 Minutes Ago" by Lee Hyun (from 8eight) feat Lim Jeong Hee. the song is nice and the video is damn touching (:

till next time :D

i'm finally back from my hiatus. did you all miss me? haha. prelims was a torture and i don't want to talk about it anymore. though it isn't quite over yet. i still have one last paper this coming wed and it's literature. but it's ok i still have time to study even though i kinda of don't want to anymore.

ok i can't really blog much right now cos i have to get ready soon and head out for hari raya celebrations. so i shall find time to write a proper long update some other time. don't miss me too much while i enjoy my hari raya to the max! :D

and to all my muslim friends: