Posted on: Friday, May 29, 2009
Posted at: 11:05:00 pm
Posted at: 11:05:00 pm
"to me, fearless is not the absence of fear. it's not being completely unafraid. to me, fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshman year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again... even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. it's fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. i think it's fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. and when someone apologises to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, i think it's fearless to stop believing them. it's fearless to say "you're not sorry", and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright... that's fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. that's why i write these songs. because i think love is fearless."- Taylor Swift on why her album is titled 'Fearless'
i wish i was just a little more fearless.
Posted on: Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Posted at: 11:53:00 pm
Posted at: 11:53:00 pm
finally, reality sinks in and it dawns on me that i had just danced my last malay dance performance, maybe forever ):
the last malay dance performance was a whirlwind of emotions - sleepiness due to waking up at 430 in the morning! panic and stress due to the rush to get everyone's makeup done in time excitement due to the presence of miracle water's owner HAHA. incredible pain due to quyen's plate hitting my little finger and face, which i think is karma's work cos i accidentally hit huiwei's face with my plate on syf day as well :X and by the way, my finger is still swollen and painful that i can't write properly ): anxiety due to the nerve wrecking wait backstage. relief due to the fact that we managed to pull off our dance on the pathetic lt5 stage. happiness cum sadness as we camwhored and laughed our hearts in the ds - emotions that made each and every moment of today memorable and unforgettable. though this moment may never match up to the moments after syf, it will forever be etched in my heart as my last dance with NJC Malay Dance - the last dance where we literally showed the WORLD what we're truly made of (:
i will most definitely miss being in malay dance, having being a malay dancer for almost 10 years now. dancing has always been my passion and will always be. so i hope to find more opportunities to dance malay dance. even so, i know that no matter what, i can never find a dance group that will be able to replace the dance family i have now. you all are special and unique in every way. and most importantly, you all are most definitely loved by me in every single way possible.
I WILL MISS NJC MALAY DANCE SOOO MUCH! T.T
<33
Posted on: Friday, May 22, 2009
Posted at: 7:17:00 pm
Posted at: 7:17:00 pm
" is this the moment where i look you in the eye?
forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry. "
listen to the song 'permanent' by david cook, dedicated to his older brother who recently passed away having battled brain cancer for 11 years. within the first 10 sec of the song, i was already tearing up. i know just how it feels to lose a loved one to cancer. its absolutely heart-wrenching.
on a bright note, my dad successfully bought tickets to the liverpool match against singapore this july. YAY! torres & gerrard darlings here i comeeeeee! :DD
Posted on: Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Posted at: 10:09:00 pm
Posted at: 10:09:00 pm
this post is specially dedicated to my one and only beloved njc malay dance family <3
ps. as eunice mentioned in her letter, i promise not to be emo anymore ok. i will find that motivation in my life! who knows? maybe i have already found it today after that significant moment which only those who know will know about it :D
to start it off, i would like to wish my utmost thanks to each and every one of you for the thought and effort put in the lovely bday surprise. special thanks to tk and lizhu for planning it (: i honestly suspected that something was kinda fishy but i never expected the surprise to be so elaborate and well planned. but still, i really really appreciate it :D
thank you for making me and gwen wait at the raintree for what seemed like forever in such an awkward situation with a secret spy in our presence. haha. but it was kinda fun running away and attempting to hide and disappear for awhile. did we succeed in making the secret spy worry? haha. and it was fun and weird to do warmup just by ourselves too! :D
thank you for standing under the scorching hot sun to make that lovely heart formation. it brought back wonderful memories from syf. and aww we know how much you love us. we love you all too! :D
thank you for the heartwarming gifts which ms khoo helped to present to us. i've read every single letter from all of you and they are all so sweet. no matter how elaborate or simple the letters are, i love every single one of them. from the cute and pretty drawings, to the long essays (huh eunice!), to the most thoughtful ones (huh lizhu! i only read the first five btw. have yet to read the rest! >.<), to the innovative ones (huh joycelyn! the game is uber cool ok!), they are all really really heartwarming. and thanks to eunice for the super cool mug! i totally agree with the quote btw: "men were put on this earth to make money, women were to spend it!" haha. and thanks to an and thu for the prettay wallet too! :DD
thank you for the touching video. the unglam photos and all the other family photos nearly made me cry! it was nice reliving all those moments captured in the photos. and of course thanks to the two random guys haha. and for the flower too. i LOVE flowers :D
thank you for the cake smearing! it was more like being attacked by cakes lah! and saniah was so strong and violent that i fell butt down and broke my flower into half ): stupid saniah! haha i have never been caked so badly before. and i rmb that aqilah could still pretend to take photos of us! we innocently posed for the camera not knowing the near doom we were going to face. haha. it took me a long time to get rid of the awful cream smell from my hair ok! :D
thank you for the real cakes at the end too. they were delicious :D
simply said, THANK YOU for everything today. i swear that this day will forever be etched in my heart. i have never been this happy and touched at the same time for so long. this is really the best bday celebration i ever had. you all are really sweet. i couldn't ask for a more fun and loving dance family. i love each and every one of you to bits. this touching gesture just makes leaving malay dance a zillion times harder ok! ):
I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO SO VERY MUCH - more than words can ever say! <3
ps. as eunice mentioned in her letter, i promise not to be emo anymore ok. i will find that motivation in my life! who knows? maybe i have already found it today after that significant moment which only those who know will know about it :D
Posted on: Monday, May 18, 2009
Posted at: 11:41:00 pm
Posted at: 11:41:00 pm
first of all i would like to express my greatest thanks to all my friends and family members who gave me pressies and/or wished me happy birthday in person, through sms, facebook or whatever. all of you really made my day :D
so yeah today i turn the big one-eight. but i dont really feel much wiser or older leh haha. but it has been a great day today. celebrated my bday plus yitong's belated bday this morning with beloved a01-ers. had chocolate cake from prima deli (: and the funny thing was that the time i took to eat one slice of cake was more than the time yitong took to eat TWO slices of cake. haha. such a glutton ah yitong! XD and at night, celebrated again with my dear family. and had chocolate cake AGAIN! but this time it's chocolate indulgence from secret recipe (: gosh i will need serious exercise to burn off all the cake. haha. but yay! i am officially eighteen. i can legally get married right? hahaha
ok that's all i wanna say. hope all my wishes come true (: though i think i wished for too many things. am i being greedy? no right, just ambitious (;
tmr is a sucky day. i only have ONE pathetic lesson and that is economics lecture from 1030 to 1130. cos my math tcher will be on mc and extra history lesson has been cancelled as well. so i will ROT like crazy in school until 430 when dance starts. thats like FIVE FREAKING HOURS OK! >.<
enough said :D
Posted on: Friday, May 15, 2009
Posted at: 9:52:00 pm
Posted at: 9:52:00 pm
i am tired beyond words. and it has been some time since i truly felt so drained - both physically and mentally. dance practices are wearing me out more than ever probably due to the long break we had. but urgh my back is seriously aching and my tailbone is starting to act up again ): and i feel so brain dead due to lit tests (which i totally screwed up) and the endless amount of assignments i am drowning in ):
and not that i'm a big fan of the current season of american idol, but i am kinda upset that my dear danny got eliminated ): i expected him and adam to be in the finals actually. oh wells. i'll miss his sexy husky voice though. haha.
urgh i need to find a motivation, an inspiration, a purpose to go through this tiring and difficult time. cos i always feel like giving up, losing hope on everything i do or at least try to do. i need something to look forward to when i wake up in the morning. something to know that life is worth living for. cos right now i feel so empty. there's this huge void in me that needs to be filled. i need something to push me on. to push me forward. to help me be the best that i can be. life seems so meaningless and monotonous right now ):
oh gosh my heart just skipped a beat - again - and literally skipped a beat ok, not metaphorically. i don't know why but it has been skipping beats the past three days. and it feels so uncomfortable. urgh.
college day tomorrow. and whoopie-doo i have to attend the damn thing as an audience. and its really unbelievable how much the school spends on for just college day, and on useless stuff at that.
whiny whiny. why am i so whiny today? i'm just not in the best of moods i guess.
enough said.
Posted on: Friday, May 08, 2009
Posted at: 10:53:00 pm
Posted at: 10:53:00 pm
[/edit]
only now do i realise that today is actually a significant date. 8 May 2009 - this day, exactly one month ago, was the day of our SYF. it has actually been one month. wow time really does fly. one month ago, this time, euphoria and excitement was still running high. and although all that hype has definitely died down, i am still undeniably proud of our achievements (:
and speaking of malay dance, yesterday we had practice at LT5 aka Ngee An Kongsi Performing Arts Theatre. we were practicing for our performance for SISC opening ceremony. and i have no idea how that pathetic stage in LT5 can actually pass off as a stage for a PERFORMING ARTS THEATRE. its like so badly structured and small. we had to make quite a number of adjustments to suit that pathetic stage. poor daisy and saniah actually have to dance off the stage. haha. and i don't know why, but dancing the same dance after SYF doesn't feel the same. it just feels... different, like something's missing, like the feeling is no longer there. i don't know. plus the lack of flexibility and stamina doesn't help either :X
and i had a sudden sad realisation yesterday. i guess circumstance prevented me from having that perfect chance. such a wasted moment ): perhaps it's a sign? i really don't know what to do. someone help?
when i woke up this morning, the first thing i heard on the radio was the news that mas selamat is captured. and i can't help but to laugh. i really find it quite amusing. all this while he was at johor? and we couldn't find him? I CAN SEE JOHOR FROM MY HOUSE LUH! haha. but yeah, i actually forgot about mas selamat till this morning. lol.
oh oh and received news that mrs jalleh gave birth to her baby girl also known to dancers as 'STRAWBERRY' yesterday night. i can't wait to see how cute she is! we should have a malay dance outing and visit them one day like soon! and i was telling lizhu that her baby will definitely be an awesome baby cos she is born in may and may babies are all awesome just like me :DD
ok i'm running out of things to say already. just that this week has been yet another hectic week and i really really can't wait for the long weekend. YAY! NO SCHOOL ON MONDAY! :D
i'd fight for you. i'd lie, it's true.
give my life for you.
you know i'd always come for you.
Posted on: Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Posted at: 7:47:00 pm
Posted at: 7:47:00 pm
the heart has reasons that reason cannot know.
that just about sums up how i'm feeling.
that just about sums up how i'm feeling.
Posted on: Friday, May 01, 2009
Posted at: 11:46:00 am
Posted at: 11:46:00 am
[/edit]
ok i've been wanting to update but this past week has been hectic as hell. schoolwork has been piling like craaaazyyyy! i actually feel busier after syf or maybe i've always had this much work but used syf as an excuse to put them off. but anyway, finally got back the second half of my history test. and just like the first half, it was quite badly done. overall, i got an E. gosh at this rate i really have to mug 24/7 ): and the next two weeks are filled with tests - GP tests next week and Lit tests next week (notice that they are all plural!). AH STRESS!
and dance resumed yesterday. i always thought i would look forward to restarting dance again. but truth be told, i kind of dreaded it. of course, i look forward to seeing all my fellow dancers again and spend time with them but maybe that's all i want. i don't quite look forward to the long and tiring practices, knowing that i still have so much to catch up on academically. and gosh, i feel so unfit and inflexible! during warm up yesterday, my bones kept cracking and my legs kept wobbling. and after like just half a dance, i felt so tired already and almost out of breath. and i really couldn't balance AT ALL! i kept shaking and wobbling! ): who would have thought that all those months and months of endless trainings would go to waste after just three weeks of no dance. haha. gosh we are all so rusty. hope we can dance well enough tomorrow. yeah that reminds me!
ok back to talking about dance training yesterday. let me see. oh yes, we lost a member yesterday and it's really saddening. nghia left us yesterday and though i don't know him well enough, it's always sad to lose a member of your family right? in our own ways, each and every one of us make NJC Malay Dance what it is. but life goes on so i hope you find happiness in soccer and in your life. but remember that once a malay dancer, always a malay dancer. you are definitely more than welcome to drop by during trainings even if it's just to watch us. WE WILL MISS YOU! and i do realise that nghia leaving us is just the beginning of more farewells to come ):
on another note, i realise that there's nothing stopping me now. no more excuses to hide my feelings. and honestly, it wasn't that i didn't feel anything and the reason why i didn't cry was cos i was kind of trying to block your words. cos maybe if i don't hear them, they're not true and i won't have to accept the truth. but i know it's just a failed attempt and reality hits hard. and now, you're not there. it's the perfect opportunity. but fear and cowardice gets the best of me all the time.
enough said. HAPPY LABOUR DAY! :DD
ok i've been wanting to update but this past week has been hectic as hell. schoolwork has been piling like craaaazyyyy! i actually feel busier after syf or maybe i've always had this much work but used syf as an excuse to put them off. but anyway, finally got back the second half of my history test. and just like the first half, it was quite badly done. overall, i got an E. gosh at this rate i really have to mug 24/7 ): and the next two weeks are filled with tests - GP tests next week and Lit tests next week (notice that they are all plural!). AH STRESS!
and dance resumed yesterday. i always thought i would look forward to restarting dance again. but truth be told, i kind of dreaded it. of course, i look forward to seeing all my fellow dancers again and spend time with them but maybe that's all i want. i don't quite look forward to the long and tiring practices, knowing that i still have so much to catch up on academically. and gosh, i feel so unfit and inflexible! during warm up yesterday, my bones kept cracking and my legs kept wobbling. and after like just half a dance, i felt so tired already and almost out of breath. and i really couldn't balance AT ALL! i kept shaking and wobbling! ): who would have thought that all those months and months of endless trainings would go to waste after just three weeks of no dance. haha. gosh we are all so rusty. hope we can dance well enough tomorrow. yeah that reminds me!
ANYONE WANTS TO COME DOWN AND SUPPORT ME and the other dancers too of course HAHA? we'll be performing at the Malay Heritage Centre in conjunction with the Malay Arts Festival '09. the IP team performance will be at 11.50am? and the JC team (there's ME!) will be performing at 12.05pm. we'll be performing our gold and gold-with-honours syf items respectively. so do come down and support yeah? your support will be greatly appreciated. btw, ADMISSION IS FREE! :D here's the link to the event if you wanna check out what it's all about: http://www.malayheritage.org.sg/event_details.php?nid=28
ok back to talking about dance training yesterday. let me see. oh yes, we lost a member yesterday and it's really saddening. nghia left us yesterday and though i don't know him well enough, it's always sad to lose a member of your family right? in our own ways, each and every one of us make NJC Malay Dance what it is. but life goes on so i hope you find happiness in soccer and in your life. but remember that once a malay dancer, always a malay dancer. you are definitely more than welcome to drop by during trainings even if it's just to watch us. WE WILL MISS YOU! and i do realise that nghia leaving us is just the beginning of more farewells to come ):
on another note, i realise that there's nothing stopping me now. no more excuses to hide my feelings. and honestly, it wasn't that i didn't feel anything and the reason why i didn't cry was cos i was kind of trying to block your words. cos maybe if i don't hear them, they're not true and i won't have to accept the truth. but i know it's just a failed attempt and reality hits hard. and now, you're not there. it's the perfect opportunity. but fear and cowardice gets the best of me all the time.
enough said. HAPPY LABOUR DAY! :DD